real from fake

its hard to find real things now a days, everything you see glitters with diamonds, shiny shimmers of gold and glee, while everything you see, or so you see, or what you claim reality is is nothing near to what it really is, friends, life, school, immature bullshit that you go through, but im just down, playing and wallowing drowning in the mud, and this is just one of my low moods, hormones, maybe, or maybe relationship with my lady has been a little bit rocky, unstable, still unable to have a firm grip on what relationships, every time i run, i slip, why can't i skip to the fun and just forfeit that bad, thats always the plan but it never happens, and im still confused on what happens when people become shady or flakey, it is them or me, is it me, or am i just being played by my self esteem, am i just on the wrong team, is my game weak, how come other guys seem, see its only seem, not the facts, you've never seen them operate, playing on bullshit like it was a game, and they must be MVP, but i ain't playing that game, mine is real, but im still confused, life is just a movie, and relationships is just a scene, and i've barely watched the credits, so what do i know, what do i know, have i grown, have i developed enough life skills to stand tall on my own, to have a relationship, to have friendship, cos it takes skill to be real, and its so hard to recognize the fake from the real, the genuine from the spineless, boneless, fake heartless no good lazy motherfuckers that surround us, or maybe im just being hard on them and on myself, calm down, you've set the bar to high to be climbed, but is it my fault that i only accept happiness within my halls, within my chamber, within my life,