baby rhyme

as i look over you, look deep into your eyes, place my ear to your chest and hear your heart beat, and you smile back at me, while you lay there comfortably, your small hands grab my pinky, while your legs wiggle, just looking at you, my whole body tingles, your mom and i sprinkle nothing but love and affection, while in my arms caress, your smile only speaks of affection, i could take hours of video clips of you, nothing in this world compares to you, i love it when you make sounds when i tickle you, nothing means more to me than you, i just love laying next to you, when i carry you, i feel my whole new world in my arms, my new goal, i can't believe you came from me, and while you sleep and slumber, i wish i could guide you through all your struggles, i wan't to be there for you, caring for you, never let you fall, and so i fall asleep with your little body beside me, and i dream, and i start to worry about the whole world you have to face, but i just sleep, and doze off with out a trace, praying for the angels to give you wings for the next day...

16 love

i met you when i was 16, first kiss, no one not even till this day, can ever compared, not just physically but morally, and truthfully, i wish, that everything could've been different, but i had to let you go, that what i needed for the both of us to grow, 4 years no convo, not talk, we continued with our life like we never existed, we implanted the image, that we were over, that the summer, was long gone and over, that you got over me and me over you, but somehow, at the back of my mind, you, yes you, where there, and all i needed was to look at our old pictures, and i still have your old blue page letter, yes, christmas, chris + sam, and since we've talked again, you became a friend, someone who understands me, someone who these fake girls can never be, even miles away, i still feel you in the messages you and i display, and i know i am different, grinding in canada has helped form the man i am, and it shocked me that you told me that you expected this from me, and when i told you about my struggles, you only said one thing, you can do it, thats what i call a real woman, cutting out being sentimental, i miss you, sam

how do you paint yourself?

whats wrong with society now a days, everybody is confused with who they are and what they want to be, it all depends on how you want to be viewed or portrayed, create an image that you can be proud of, but now, no one has eyes, looking in the mirror, staring not at who they are but what they look like, what happened to dressing like a man, what happened to acting like a woman, but it all depends on how you define a man, is one who devourer six packs, big ass belly, rugged personality, no way im going to be like that when im 40, 50 or even 60, a man is a provider, holds his ground when shit gets rough, lives for himself, wife and his kids, never close to imprisonment in the bin, never close to designer products, manicure, knows how to handle torture, intellectual but not cocky, fit but not showy, attractive to only one woman, clean cut, never messy or pretty, fucking, why isn't society portraying them, where are they, all i see are commercials of pretty men with shaved chests, clean faces, fuck, im all for sensitivity, but only in front of your wifey, im all for higher self esteem but keep it clean not pretty, damn where is our society heading when the supposedly head of the family is either cheating on his wife or acting all faggity, what are your kids going to say, im telling you its all about what you want to paint, how you want to be portrayed.

unity 2

in between the lines of hate i exist, in the helping hand of a brother i don't, through the light and the mist, in midst or everything, i will never say i won't, past the eyes of a widow who stares out of her window, to the inmate locked up behind rusty iron gates, from imprisoned poets lock in a bin with no pen, i write for unity's sake, for love, for hope, for we cannot hold water but we carry our fate, heavy, feel the world's weight, so heavy but so delicate, like a snow crystal in its own purity, the question and answer is only unity

a single coin dropped in a pool echoes ripples throughout the whole pond, then the seas, then the ocean, every action is never unnoticed, though it may seem, nothing is coincidence, every action is silently amplified into the image of mother teresa's smile, into ghandi's persona, into christ's blood, we stand, where prophets before us have planted love in the land, sewn hope into the seeds, where every root bears the fruit of unity.

unity

colour skin patterns flows around my eyes, as i see the lessons of the past has united blacks latinos whites and filipinos, lighting up indigo, unity, if you didn't know you imbiscle, love, definitely stronger than a bicep muscle, trust, definitely builds barracades where hate can't enter, hope, will only keep crack out of our community, unity, if you ask me, just hold our hands and create a chain, spelling out the word unity, extending from asia to africa, so God from the heavens can finally see and forever remember, that from europe antartica to the middle east, we are one community.

A true bond

please tell me how do i separate lust from my vision, how to i flush out contempt from my system, cos i feel trapped in a prison, i wake up, dream, fall asleep, and eat to this, read, walk, talk, and fight for this, i try to avoid it, but everyone i see does it, or do they, or does the media only portray, but in truth not everyone does it, yes, everyone looks it, but no one understands the essence of it, a true bond, physical marriage, where two become 1, where love and lust cross paths, where in that moment, every seconds lasts, every touch, caress, feels like water under the hot sun, like bliss, eternity within each others arms, walking side by side, see everybody is willing to take the risk, but not willing to face the repercussions, cos once you and her step in, if not done right, it feels like sin, then it burns, then you feel pain, then nothing feels the same, then everything feels fake, then the walls tremble and shake, then the late night calls run out, no more dates for dates, everything is straight to the bedroom where the both of you can escape, conversations feel dull, her voice doesn't seem as lively as before, his voice doesn't seem as exciting, it happened so quick, like lightning, as soon as you let sex in, everything fades, friendship ends, cos you no longer see a friend, no longer see someone you can spend time with, thats the truth, thats what they don't tell you.

lyrical muscle 2

Through the rainy days, eyes of pain, tears drift away, away into the
canal, where no one can hear my cries, as I was born from my mother’s
naval, though I was conceived through childbirth, the world will never
know of my worth, cos to be worthy is to have gone the path of
unworthyness, then rise from the aches to be king in my own kingdom,
from the seven seas of eyes that have laid in to die, from the breaths
of the skies, to the pits of the rivers abyss, there lies, our deepest
desires, where no one can find, tormenting the ceiling of our cranium
only to find it mirror the faces of people in the insane asylum,
nasty, raspy, that’s how my thoughts taste to me, and to you, as I
kneel to your heel, kissing your ankle, oh flood me with grace that I
may replace every sin that I have made, to only be brought up from the
sick belly in which we feed ourselves with societies sickness, vomit
then swallow, does it taste hollow, then sleep like sleepy hollow,
dream about the million burrows, would you care to take some time,
peep into my mind, borrow some thoughts, from the sick and demised,
surrounded by a golden black woven enterprise, dance to the black
ballerina who tip toes on the verge of anorexia, or just stare at the
obese model who’s reflection reflects her infection, to each its own,
but I say, your mind, your precious mind must be grown, feed it seeds,
like I said, show then artificial sun, watch them grow artificial
leaves. peace

condoms are good

it was a sunny day, i was minding my own business making my way, to school when my eyes caught this little, honey, light skin, jamaican beauty, i can guarantee she wasn't the gangsta type, followed her a bit, damn she looked alright, dressed classy, nothing close to trashy, full and polished lips, i knew, she i had to get with so i picked up the pace, walked up to her with such smoothness and grace, asked her her name, i said nice to meet you, my name is chris, how would you and me go out sometime, nothing fancy maybe luncheon and good conversation, she said yes, a bit shy she looked at me with a smile, dark rimmed glasses covered her eyes, we exchanged numbers and said bye, days turned to weeks, then weeks to months, lunch became dinners, sex was out of the picture yet, i could tell she wasn't a beginner at this relationship business but then hugs became kisses, phone calls became a bit more serious, but she wasn't my mistress, i wanted to wait and i think she did to until one night we couldn't keep, it in, something was in the air, i think it was sin, she looked pure, so it never crossed my mind that i shouldn't hit this girl raw, ate her all night pussay and ass galore, woke up six in the morning, took a piss felt a sore, it was so swollen could'nt piss anymore, quickly looked a the mirror, saw blisters around my mouth and jaw, red bumps, instant acne after eating that whore, ran to the bed room looked for the whore, flipped the bed sheets, vanished ran away like she had cleets, scratched my mouth, burning itching sensation, humiliation seemed to be my only destination.

hard work. work sucks

fuck i can't take it anymore, you know how i feel right now, like i slept in glue, all sticky, tired, work was a bitch, my shift was like a pornstar's dick, long and hard, fuck, shit, mother fuck, i can't take this shit, money is so hard to come by now a days, why the fuck am i broke, i really think that god is playing a big fucking joke, laughing at me like i was a comedy, shit, damn, a buck is so difficult to make, struggling to squeeze the penny out of 13 hours of work, trying to change a dime to a dollar is something that puzzles a scholar, stretching a nickel is something ridiculous, damn, im just venting, and i know there are people with worse situations, i can never forget that, and its funny how life really turns your tables, i was living comfortably back home then i came here and i swear i work to the bone, its more than licking the plate, im scraping it for fucksake, can i get a fucking break, i guess god has a plan for me, and through the tunnel of struggles, ill find myself learning to find positives in the plate full of negatives, ill find myself looking to the spec of light in the pit of the abyss, starring into the mirror and just grinding each day, living for today and building my future one brick at a time

another date night

funny, cos i remember that day like it was yesterday. it was so live. damn i remember, high off weed and your kisses, first we started playing pool, trying to sneak a little flirt when i taught you how to hold the stick, then we jetted to the car, front seat i was riding shotgun, love spun, suddenly shirt gone, anatomy lesson begun, after a minute of flirting we drove off to back of my hood, unwrapped the backwood, peeled the guts, unzip the ziplock grabbed the nugs, rolled blunt and started making out, what?!, after the blunt was finished, we got back into the car, settled some unfinished business, kissed a little bit, suddenly in the dark of the night, from the rear view mirror, flashing lights, grabbed my shirt quick, time to act, forget the stupidness cos the cops ain't going to like this, the weed, i hid, the nervousness, in the back of my mind i had to hide but my eyes were pacified, high off her and the weed, damn shit, fuck, don't say anything that will make him give a fuck and search the suspicious bag in the back of the trunk, he walks toward the car, i say hi officer, he says hey back, asked if we had anything to drink, i said no, my eyes didn't blink, hold her hand tighter, no need to talk cos my had said ill take care of her, he paused for a bit, heart racing, heavy breathing, hope he doesn't smell the weed i was exhaling, takes his flashlight out, flashes it at my face, then hers, then says ok have a nice day, walks away like nothing happened, and i guaranteed her that never, ever,  this day happened.

abandon me

why did you walk away, why did you leave me, i am from your skin, i came from you, in you out and within, 9 months i was with you, why did you, where is dad, why did you fight, i heard it all, during the 9 months we had, where is he, did he leave me, why did he, how could he, was it because of me, that you and he, departed so easily, separated, please tell me, i can't speak but, i understand, 9 pounds, 9 months to make, half you and half of him, why did you leave, was i a mistake, what is my name, i lived in your belly, when you were hungry i got hungry, when you cried, i wept, when he hit you, i got scared, i saw it all, my eyes peeped through the small belly button, i was in the middle of if all, when you smoked, i felt the fumes, when you drank, i felt misused, even just a little liquor i felt it drip down my umbilical, one night in your belly, i was fast asleep, i could hear you snore, then all i heard was screams, all i heard was shouts, i was only a fetus, i wish i could escape this, mommy where are you, are you ok, mommy why are you hurt, try to escape, those were the nights, those were the days, i remember as a bump in my momma's stomach, im glad you love me, and sometimes, when the nights are quite, i feel you, i feel what you go through, it makes me smile sometimes when you rub on your tummy, and it hurts sometimes when you sleep and roll over your me, oh mommy, and i know sometimes you get worried, worry about if daddy will stay and father me, worry about if you are good enough to mother me, but don't worry, just a couple of months, ill be with you shortly, truly yours, your baby.

lyrical muscle

I'm driving through a drive thru,and on the screen its me and you,feeding viewers sweet tooth,giving cavities that need to be removed,but if they only knew this sugars not pure its been refined and removed,not near as good for you when you know the hidden ingredients issued,about as real as a cartoon,when digested hard to pass through,because nothing real fool,fool in love with symbol of love,symbol of two,when you don't even know the symbol of you,like hot soup you need ice cubes of truth,to bring you to a cool,or a blow whatever works for you,as long as you don't get it confused,cause an act for two,doesn't mean me plus you,sorry to be the witch on the broom,but who's gonna tell you,other the one use to use,or the movies that like the news exaggerate the truth,leading to a search party crew,looking for a tall dark and handsome in a suit,to bring back that adrenaline boost,instead look at married couples separate rooms,bachelors to grooms,from baby news,or held hands with wandering eyes on the loose,aiming right at you,while she's unaware to his cues,because she daydreaming about her other mans moves,and you think what harm can you do,if you get in the middle of the two,he could be the one with the missing Cinderella shoe,so you look back to,and you get chewed and spit back like unwanted food,duck duck goose sorry you loose to the last rope that became a noose tight around your throat turning you blue to match your hearts hue,and as you start slipping you wake up from loves voodoo and realize all you ever need was you..to bad it wasn't more soon


In the middle of two, or should I say two, of us, where is the trust, me thrust you, equals you and me in bed at two, lose that skirt, loosen that dress, I know you want me, every inch, don’t be green, don’t be a Grinch, love making is such as cinch, I love love making love while our love is debating on whether or not the both of us should be in love, but I still have memories of us resembling a couple a couple of days shortly after our love took a tumble, rumble in the love making jungle has mixed and mangled our relationship into shambles, but we try to tackle the demons resting in our tabernacle, like a bumble bee it stings until from head to feet, instead of retreat, waving the white flag of defeat, I didn’t leave it alone I was wondering lost in lovers street, where nobody is here but me, and a couple of lost souls headed to suicide lane, if I was superman you were Louis lane, filled your lips with kryptonite when we kissed at the back of my Pontiac on lover’s lane, but who is to blame, when both of us had lust in our veins, mindless mind games of nothing less than sexual, see that’s why I can’t get over you, your smooth body was so sexy, so friendly, so cunning, resembles nothing but tasty, if you were a vegetable I would suck the carrots out of you, sorry to be mean that was unintentional, lustful intentions, I know they weren’t intentional, looking in the mirror and seeing a mirror image of our own genitals, so its no surprise that we think of sex all the time, all the time, yes all the time, in school, in class, during math, on the bus, on the train, can’t even spell my name without spelling cunt, or cum, maybe I should consider dating a nun, annunciate every word in vocabulary and you’ll see a young man in the library getting a hard on while reading the dictionary, playing with words, hoping on metaphors, spitting out witty similies that put smiles on your white bread cheeks…

I see you

i see you , see hell, see your eyes, see heaven, see your thighs, see the bed, see your hair, let it loose, see your will, let it lose, see your skirt, let it drop, see your legs, let it spread, look at me, look at lust, look at skin, feel the drop, feel my lips, feel my touch, feel my caress, see my breath, feel my waist, feel my thrust, feel movement, feel me enter, thats my monument, taste my sweat, i taste yours, you taste me, i swallow you, i bite, you bark, you moan, i scream, you scream, i hear, you hear, you feel, the heat, as i, tease, completely please, every inch, love making is such a cinch, then we finish, then you sleep, then you dream, then i fall, eyes close, night falls, we sleep, lying in our arms, lying in bed, lust is embedded within our lies, lust is in the tip of our tongue, kiss, taste it, ask me how does it taste, sweet for now, but later, like laughter, it dies, only a memory that we remember from last nights endeavor, splendid night only a sweet memoir,

softness

softness, beauty, is it a gift to see, is it a gift to live, so many pains to feel but we still chose to live, so many beauties but we chose to look away,capture the first snow, treasure it like a diamond, precious, life is similar but never treated the same, less maybe, why are there so many goodbyes, few hellos, many heartaches, less love, more one night stands, few romance, 2 month marriages, many years of divorce, so much studying, life is only experiencing, too many games played between us, why can't we cut to the chase, creating our picture perfect mosaic, place the headphones on, turn on the music, in between the keys and the notes of the piano, there lies the antidote, there lies the moment where stress meets its stroke, dies, along with it our lies, resurrect the truth, as i look at the youth, as i dream about the future, as i write the past, i die in the present only to live the next day, we look at each other, day by day, as night falls, the moon turns white to gray, at the birth of each day, the flower blooms, the wind slows down and falls on my face, the light creeps into my window space, minute by minute the light touches my face, eyes peel and slowly the day is embraced, eye lashes curl back, muscles relax, at last, the new day

Story 1: Date with an angel

as i sit on the bus, i reminisce on the good times i have had with her, then, i pick my phone, scroll to messages and message her, i say hey, 4 minutes later she says, hey back, tells me its been a long time, you know the usual 'its been a long time, how are you doing speech', so i quickly cut to the chase, surprise her with a date, add some butter cos my method is smooth, charm her with a line and she replied and said 'oooo!',wow chris, a large smile appears on my face, got excited, i replied and said 'the message was smooth cos i meant it', so she replied and said what i had in mind, i said maybe a walk on lakeshore, enjoy the afternoon and whatever the night as instore, she said "ok, see you at 6 chris call me before you leave, kiss kiss" so fastforward to 6, took a shower, brushed my teeth, ate, hopped in the car, didn't want to be late, called her up tell her ill be there in a few minutes, see this is what happens when truth is your only gimmick, no tricks, words only found in the truth category, ok so back to the story, pull outside her house, give her another ring, while i wait i think of what she is going to wear, a blouse with some nice jeans, skirt with pretty emblems, flowery designs, maybe a sexy dress, who knows, suddenly her house door opens, i had to remove my shades for this, jaw dropped in awe, the beautiful day was pale to what my eyes saw, a pretty little thing, her name is colleen, got out of my car to greet her, opened the door and we were off to lakeshore, walking talking, catching up was some of the things we did, strolled along the harbor, cracked jokes and though we were mildly flirtatious nothing felt repetitious, sitting next to a man playing a guitar, so spontaneous, strolled along mississauga road looking at houses, although the day was nice, couldn't take my eyes of her eyes, the whole day was a surprise, couldn't tell this part in chronological order or sequence, because i can't arrange these thoughts in my conscience, so amazing but so chill, so pleasant but so ill, so natural, our convos ranged from religion, gay churches, previous experiences, picking out houses, roller blading, swan and duck gazing, wrestling, piggy back riding, damn so sick and so exciting, that was the day i had with colleen.

shadows

i see shadows around me, i feel death around me, i aint walking in playground, i stroll in the graveyard,as i walk through the streets i picture dead people walking up reaching for my feet, their howls and cries are nothing but discrete, cloudy nights, stormy days, i can hear the wind howl begging for our defeat, days are like winter, cold nights like summer, so paranoid i sleep with one eye open like scott summers, i ain't no xmen, but i feel trapped in cartoon, surrounded by demons disguised as looney toones, so i place up my head phones and crank up the tunes, zone away, i don't know just where death can't reach me, somewhere my shadow will never follow me, somewhere hollow, maybe reside near icabod crane, get my head chopped off, creativity has got me locked in a state of turbulent mental activity, sitting here, trying to conjure up words that can capture the moment, rip through the rapture, summarize what i see in our culture, vultures, just picking on us, no friends, all disguises, behind the walls, behind the black berries, symbolize what we are never meant to be, something we seek we will never find, and when we do find we get sick and tired, why do we want what we can never have, why do we strive for a future we have never seen yet, and why do we trust, why do we lust, why are we promoting everything but love, and if we could, would we let our problems fly away like a dove, sail into the skies, and why do i wear my emotions on my face, why do we stay with people that we never liked in the first place, instead we keep them around just to feel in place, just to fit into society's eyes, trying to fit into society's roles, living a life that society dictates, see they zoom in the cool and the rich, the fast pace life and the ignorant, focus on the stereotype instead of what is right, keeping us show us tv full of lies instead of broadcasting truth to our eyes, trying to create a society full of dummies and snakes, whores and party animals, no education, illustrating a television fantays, it is sad but that is reality.

Clubbing night

she kissed my lips, ground shook from the thunder of surprise, my eyes close, passion follows, then my hands follow, press my hips against hers, hands stroke her waist, moving up to her nape, and she does the same, ive been here before and so has she, all i need is to follow through and ill know where ill be, yea, experience has given me foresight into the forbidden land of lust, craving, and she kisses my ear, whispering words of mischief and delight, 2 am under the streetlight, i taste sweet sweat from the dancing and clubbing all night, its nasty but it feels right, strong passion burning inside, i wish i could trap this moment and everything in it, all the emotions involved, then i suddenly stop, i place my hands down, i tell the alcohol to slow down, 5 shots has almost taken control of me now, so i brush her off politely, she looks back at me, and i look at the make up spilling from her face, smugged lipstick on her lips, after-clubbing hair, cute miniskirt just a bundle full of flirt, so i tell her i can't, she asked why, she asked if there is something wrong, i tell her nothing is wrong, but at the back of my head something is, i have been here before, i tell her i want her, i always have, always will, but tonite i want... she interrupts, and says, and yes chris, don't you want me chris, she says it again in a louder tone more distinct, yes i tell her, i look into her eyes again, i let her read my face like it had words, i let her look into my eyes like it had paragraph, i let her read my skin like it was my verse, then the words come out of my mouth... yes i do but my lust lies in your trust, sex is secondary, i want you and everything elsel, anything else is unnecessary.

Fate

yo touch this topic for a bit, i have met so many people, but the question that is stuck in my pupils is why do humans connect, infected with the fear of loneliness, room haunted from the invasion of ghost's caress, see thats why we connect, to live a life filled with nothing but happiness, but most of the times we forget what happiness is, look into the eyes of a young kid, imagine what you would do, what you give up to feel real friendship, the care and tenderness that a friend can only possess, a truthful stare, smile from a distance causing you to squint from the glare, love that can come only from the heavens above, but sometimes we need more than something platonic, something erotic and exciting, but no love lacking, no compromising, just purely love, sensual, a protection not made of latex, not mainly based on sex, but based on friendship, building a foundation that can last through the ages, timeless, but sometimes it can be painstaking, love can turn to hate, the warm and welcoming plate turns cold, once a fruitful garden plagued by mold, weeds overcoming the grass, both of you give a halfass effort,but thats just experience yo, thats what it is, everyday you have to grow, don't be afraid to connect, you cannot protect yourself from life, from friendship and relationships, you want to be complete, accept defeat, accept your own losses, accept the person in the mirror for all your mistakes, errors, regrets, give yourself forgiveness, find hope in hopelessness, find love in hate, look into the person's eyes and you can tell if he/she is fake, and always look back at the great things you have accomplished and say.... this is fate

Just thoughts

dont let the mistakes of the past dictate the outcome of your future, born to succeed but never prepared for defeat, day dreaming at night and having horrormares during the day, sleeping in class hoping the lecture can creep into my cranium as my eyes bounce up and down like a gymnasium, complicated, mind sedated, hoping the angels can save it from the demons that have whispered, oh the perils of having both ears, the right ear for the angels to appear, the left for the devils for pitfalls of allure, can't figure out who to listen to, praying to god to send a messiah, ask why he left us starving around these pariahs, outcasts, search into our deepest outer limits of our consciousness, finding reason to why we stress over electric bills, excess phone bills but still lack social cables, and ask yourselves if you can balance a gram of love diluted with a ton of lust, future on your shoulders as you walk the tight rope of hope, but you ignore me, still talking trivia like the difference between pepsi or coke, face full of make up, lust still flirts with me but i ain't no joke, learned to see past the past, living everyday, trying not to be gassed, trying to outlast yesterday's past, struggling to pass previous days of devious ways, trying to pull open my eyes still aiming for my ankles to be past my pinnacle.

break up part 7

who are you to me? what have i learned from you, to be real, to never be fake, to look through the mistakes and scars, and what have i found, something i will never find, something that these other girls will never provide, cos inside is real beauty, and although i am still 3 years your juve, i can really say that i have actually held you close to me, and you mean alot to me, and though i have wept, though i have bled, i will always remember the softness of your bed, and i will never forget, the day we met, no make up, dirty clothes but none of us predicted what was to unfold, i still remember the painting we made, so many layers, so complex, so much colour, i thought it was a disaster, but the outcome was our signatures on the top layer, and i know i shouldn't be sending this, i have vented all my feelings, wrote down all my frustrations, honestly that has helped me recover, and i will never cover myself, always show my inner light, and the months that we have been together, have been filled with so much laughter, so much experience, i can honestly say that you have changed my point of view, cut out all the prejudice, understanding is better than judging, you lyrics have given me wisdom, your compassion has given me freedom, your smile has given me a glimpse of heaven. thanks meagan.

break up part 6

enough with pain, enter joy, enough with wallowing, start swallowing the reality, enough with tears, time to switch gears, time to go back to logic, think now with reason, put emotions aside and try to find emotional equilibrium, a state where you are chris again, neutral again, although it hurts, stop whining, start looking forward, a life without her is possible, you've done it for so long, although the road and thought process is long, but it is viable, time to begin the mental operation, OPERATION live without her soft sensations, begin threading the open wound, stitch back up the flesh, the question is how are you going to react, how are you going to act, they say character is knowing what to do when the situation is hard and new, but to be honest, i am not a very good actor, though i may suffer from a product of wasted effort, it was still part of hard labour, at least my formula worked, lots of things just got in the way, school, work, and i hate to say it, so i wont, just want to leave this state of mind, i don't need the button labelled rewind, just press play and let life continue with the days

break up part 5

smart when crazy, einstein turned lazy, chris turned insane after the damn break up, harder to get over than weed, internally i can't deny i still bleed, i really didn't expect this, i got hurt, and still hurting, and what makes it worse, i am sick, can't get out of this, stuck in my room asleep, closing my eyes and all i see, all i see is nothing, drowning, and hoping that this pain will quickly evaporate from my pores, it freaking hurts, man, the crazy thing is that i tried and what hurts most is my pride, cutting out my ego, freaking hurts, but i only need time, i thought about cigs and weed but im done with that, i ain't going to play the crazy card, i was thinking about it, but thats not me, nose is stuffed, feeling down and it looks like i ran out of luck again, saying to myself that it was my fault, that i wasn't good enough, honestly i can take a break up but what i can't take is self pity and even worse if she feels bad for me, i just don't want to look weak, and i thought i would not get attached, but i guess i got hit with a punch that i didn't see coming, i thought she was really into me, and she is, change that to was, and everything now was a 'was', was together, was sleeping with each other was talking to each other, was texting each other,but now it is just over, and my phone is empty and lonely, just like me, and i am not used to it, i just want to get over it as fast as i can, i just can't, and for now i won't but i have to sooner or later accept it, walk without her by my side, see it is ok if i saw it coming, but didn't i was happily running and i lost her along the way, and i just have to get it in that this is the better way, and she told me that it was detrimental for her future, but why do i still think it is my fault?

break up part 4

i know that life will work out somehow, i believe we are in a sea, life can be seen as the wind and the water, but don't think we are completely helpless, sometimes the ride gets rough and scary and sometimes hopeless, lots of put downs, disappointments, you lose people along the way, but you just have to move on, you lose connections along the way, but you still have to sail on, being optimistic is the key, even though there are dark skies and stormy winds, you still have to look out for land, it is easy to quit while the winds blow against you, it is easy to say 'the waters are to strong for me' as a the waves rock you, and sometimes we can only do so much, in fact we can do a lot, maybe life has its own direction for you, it presents you the situation and it is up to you to face it, bad or good, painful or joyous, it is still has to be experienced, you can turn cold after a break up, you can cuss her out all you want, but in the end, you still have to look ahead for land, look ahead for the next girl, you can look at it as the next obstacle, but first you have to decide when to settle

break up part 4

i know that life will work out somehow, i believe we are in a sea, life can be seen as the wind and the water, but don't think we are completely helpless, sometimes the ride gets rough and scary and sometimes hopeless, lots of put downs, disappointments, you lose people along the way, but you just have to move on, you lose connections along the way, but you still have to sail on, being optimistic is the key, even though there are dark skies and stormy winds, you still have to look out for land, it is easy to quit while the winds blow against you, it is easy to say 'the waters are to strong for me' as a the waves rock you, and sometimes we can only do so much, in fact we can do a lot, maybe life has its own direction for you, it presents you the situation and it is up to you to face it, bad or good, painful or joyous, it is still has to be experienced, you can turn cold after a break up, you can cuss her out all you want, but in the end, you still have to look ahead for land, look ahead for the next girl, you can look at it as the next obstacle, but first you have to decide when to settle

break up part 3

yo i am just glad that i didn't lose my self along the way, that i didn't depend much on her, but in fact i just want her, but it is over, and i am just venting, taking my thoughts out on the page, expressing rage on the computer screen, and not letting my thoughts get the best of me, dealing with a feeling hurts, specially when you were suppose to see her, tonite but it ended up as a fight, a disconnection of the connection has left me wondering, what did i do wrong, was it me, but you have to as the question, should i continue or leave it be? and like a bee, it stings, hurts, fuck, i don't know what it is, can't exactly pin point it, but it feels like pins pointed at my heart, but i assure you, i won't deal with this too long, it just really sucks, and thats just proves that she really sucked, but enough with immaturity, but it is hard when your phone inbox is suddenly empty, it hurts B, but i guarantee that this will make me stronger, wait and see, make me choose my girls wisely, and thinking that time is my enemy and m only remedy, not other girls, not gym, not school, but time.

break up part 2

stay strong, thats what i said to myself, but it is hard when tears flood my eyes, it is hard to break something that was really great, how could she, is not the question, how could i, how could i feel so weak, and just a week ago we were cool, again, fuck i am the fool, but the question is what should i do next? what is the next step, how do i grow from this, and yes it was a great learning experience, but it is over, it is hard to flip the favorite page of the book, but you don't know what the next page brings, experience life right? fuck yea, that means taking in all the good and the bad, the pain and the joy, and learn how to deal with the mistakes, yours and hers, because she made that mistake of taking me for granted, but it is better i guess now than later, some people are lucky that they have found their partner, and it is hard to find someone who shares the same views as you, but ill tell you something, something that i have noticed, the past girls i have talked to have shades of my dream girl, and i can look at this as a negative experience, but to tell you the truth, that is one less girl to deal with, one girl closer to my real girl. and i ain't rushing, i just can't wait to meet her, just the thought itself excites me,

break up part 1

sometimes you think you're on top, life has finally place the cream to your crop, as fast life rewards you, thats as fast life can dethrone you, erase the sunny days, bring the rain and the pain, and you're thinking to yourself, fuck here we go again, see thats what happens when you place your trust on somebody, you think that she is walking along the island with you, all you can see is the horizon and beautiful beach, soft sand on your feet, and she is holding your had throughout the whole ordeal, and you think she could be your ideal, filling up your mind with thoughts of this being real, but the beach your walking turns to a cliff, the sunny day turns to night, the wind howls the soft gently wind turns to cold mist, but you still hold her hand, even tighter, hoping that she won't fall off the cliff, but then suddenly you slip, but she catches you, and she holds on to you, asks you if you're alright, holds you close thinking that she could have lost you that night, then she hugs you so tight, as you lean over, she holds a knife puncturing your spleen, and you think that this could never be, she was your queen, ...... fuck i can't go anymore.

Unstable

emotionally unstable, caveman and intellectual connected by a thin cable, wondering if i am able to release my mind blocked by an invisible barrier, unrelenting, unforgiving, so how can we live in emotional turmoil, pull the blankets out, prepare for a cold winter, far worse than what the recession did to the CEO of chrystler, see when your heart bleeds you eyes are distrupted, can't see, can't hear or breathe, and when you love with your dick you love physical and ignore everything besides it, and when you love with your skin you forget what state of mind you are in, when you replace weed with sex it becomes highly complex, sex is a drug just like any other hallucinogen, it makes you think you are in heaven, barbituate, stimulates all the pleasure seeking principles, cripples the mind, letting your genital be the tour guide, only seeing what is inside, crossing the line between lust love and pride, much stronger than heroin, more potent than cocaine, not white not black, not yellow, but it goes straight to the vain, it can relieve any sort of pain, relaxes the mind and body, but if used wrongly, distorts what you see, breaks the barrier between reality and fantasy, questioning your own faith, cut love out, sharpen the blade, raw, unprotected, making love till the last minute, last page, last rhyme, last minute, tearing one's skin until you see what lies with in it, shoots like an arrow, licking one's skin until you taste the bone marrow, and there is a narrow, but yet obvious, line, path, guide, difference between like and love, condom and latex glove, a path that is not yet and may never will be sanctioned from the heavens above, and ask yourself will you be undone, fall slave to lust, what will be the outcome, a quote from common "self-control instead of birth control" learn to patrol your sex drive and ask yourself it you are ready for the dive, it can be exciting, absolutely thrilling, 1000 beats of adrenaline rushing, but stand still and get struck by lightning, and once the ride is over, who are you going to turn to when you have a loaded gun soldier, when she is gone who is going to turn you on, that is the question on my plate everytime i have a meal.

Love not like

I love not like, or maybe like but not love, curves resembles the gods, or should i say the goddesses, and yes she is my mistress, but i will never, mistreat, how come i like everything from her feet to her mind, personality divine, infinite possibilities when we get together and start whispering, gently kissing, caressing, envelope, develop a slight like, or dislike, just like a bike, i ride her, and when we are done, i confide to her, and she does to moi, give her a kiss mwah, she is my diva, and i, her soul's flava, like hot lava, but how come i can't see past, her definite body, her mortality, her love her individuality, her soul, her past i dread, like the hairstyle, red, eccentric thats her style, i penetrate like a missile, never missing the spot, 15 tattoos, 1 life, 1 man, 1 woman, laying together, can me and her be forever, or just for the moment, why create something if you ain't going to finish, and why start if you can't finish, why sleep but not stay the night, why strike if you ain't going to fight, and why temp, but when we kiss we turn up the temp, a little wine, a little tease, a little kiss turn to the bed, clothes fall, but not in love, then we love, and we sweat, and we fall, and we sleep, and we dream, we close the windows so we don't hear or see the thunder, so god can't see us as we slumber, hoping that god can't judge us, and when she is next to me, i see her soul next to me, i look into her eyes and ask if i see me, i don't want to get sentimental but does she see me, and as a man that scares me, frightens, sends shivers down my spine, as i lay in supine, and try to think without the wine, as we lay together, but i really like her, but how come i can't see past her past, and why does that blur the future, but we are both mature, and the attraction is only nature, natural, sensual and heavenly sexual.

Pretty wings. A break up

yea baby, he broke your heart did he, acted like a he again, acted like a guy again, he ain't so surgeon, but he cut you again, lifted you up like a balloon, gave you wings, so no one can blame you if you relied on him, made him your all, and you were so high, just like a bird in the sky, but now you have fallen, yea he burst your balloon didn't he, and now you ashamed, and you saying he is to blame, and you're probably thinking, no one can ever be like him, no one can ever be the same, no one can ever take his place or have his name, same kiss, same hug, and you constantly reminisce, and you remember those days, those days that were so sweet, but now you feel so defeated, and looking back you still don't regret it, all the good times, bad moments, goodbyes, late night lullabyes, morning breakfast, laying your heart on his chest, pretty wings baby, i know you love him crazy, but it is time to move on baby, there is a time to cry, but now it is time to let those feelings die, stand up, look at the mirror and face your pride, wipe your tears, tomorrow is a new year, today is today, you don't need him to stand, you have your legs, you don't need him to breathe, you have your nose, and you don't need him to live. period.

Restricted

Restricted, we don't have socks we have chains and locks, restricted, confined, locked behind our fears and phobias, restricted, pain drenched encyclopedias, restricted, running with no destination, school, mental assassination, church, spiritual decapitation, work, capitalization, career laceration, no such thing as salvation, can i live, restricted, i want to live, but don't want to be inflicted, infected, diseased and plagued, restricted, i have a nose but can't breathe, skin but can't feel, alive with no life, restricted, summer but no heat, spring with no flowers, fall, thats what they want us to do, is it a conspiracy, democracy, all hypocrisy, i was right, living lavishly, with no gates or boundary, but its up to me, and you, the youth, be pragmatic, deal with classroom numeric, instead of that street mathematic, learn english so you may uplift, learn science so you may hear your conscience, religion, fuck it, your better being rebellion, instead of religion, spirituality, develop what the true meaning of christianity, buddishim, islam, not every muslim is a bomb, restricted, restricted, we are all restricted, develop a passion for flashing, then you'll be in the casket in no timin', develop your ego, then i don't know where your going to go, because i have strayed from that a long time ago, develop compassion, make it your fashion, its classic like bird and magic, restricted, i am no longer restricted, i am free, no longer restricted

Cold love

Make love to me, thats what she said, her corpse on my bed, her cold hand stroking my forehead, love in vain, no blood in her veins, opened window pane, cold air enters, full of pain, cold mist full of ghosts, curtain blows and sways, withered leaves enter the wooden floor, no love in the room, make love to me, thats what her chapped lips told me, enter the chamber of sorrow, love so hollow, so empty, so enter darling, come in and fill me, thats what she uttered, and so i did, i saw the moon, filled with malice and lust, love and disgust, fingers of lust, run down her cold skin, goosebumps as i run down her shoulder, i kiss, my lips feel on the cold skin, ohh, i hear, her moan, so lifeless, warm night but i see her misty breath, make love to me, thats what her skin told me, thats what her body told me, and so i did, grief in the back of my head, no intention, no salvation, that evening, i was her surgeon, she was my patient, malcontent, Ill in nature, don't worry we are both mature, thats what her dry lips spoke, let go your yoke, kisses cause bliss, eyes roll back, turn your back, love me forever, her wish, don't hold back, luscious tongue grazing my neck, and i didn't, she didn't, now we both share a commodity, a common priority, no more games of lust, childhood past in the dust, feelings of responsibility, because now we have a baby.

To all the young lost ladies

I dedicate this verse to all the ladies in the universe, I am a man who thinks only of sex, might as well us latex instead of my fitted cap, aight its time for someone to touch on this topic and bridge the gap, coz I have seen too many pig headed videos, dumb witted whores with no clothes, and imaginary players with ugly hoes, aiight, please wear a lot of make up so you can cover your face, too much foundation on your face, too much mascara, please be a dick and treat me like trash, please treat me like the paper that you wipe on your ass, please fuck me so much it shakes my spleen, please cum on my selfesteem and spit on my well being, please blow my back and don’t worry I won’t expect a call back, please tell your friends who you slept with the other day, please don’t be a man, please pretend to treat me like a woman, please forget my name, and don’t worry I’ll act like everything is good the next day, because I know we go to the same school and I know it’s not cool to act like a fool because that’s the so called rule, so when you see me, don’t worry my feelings will never cum like a nun, it will be always hidden from the sun, on the surface it’s all nice and dandy, yea please tell your friends in front of me that I was your daddy, I just figured you only like ass, guess you can go to school, buy all the books and uniforms sing the anthem and still lack class.