Men and diary

Dear diary, I've been having a hard time you see, can't you see, but you can't so let me let you let me view my life, through my eyes, with no disguise,with no compromise, cos I am my own prize, I am my own mind, my own man, following my own plan, it has been so long since I have had control over what goes on, patrol, in control, no longer in the back seat, playing the back seat driver, second commander, push over, no say in the directions, but dear diary, how long has it been when we last spoke to Him, I know it is hard to believe but we have to believe, we can't do this on our own, life is a gift, and I feel sorry for people who don't see it, like an inanimate object, statue with no motion or virtue, lifeless, soul-less, their language is ignorance, mine, competence, self-growth, self confidence, a life sentence to eternal happiness.

In my dreams

In my sleep,
Dark nights,
shadows creep,
turn off the lights,
corner of my dreams,
reality fades,
like smoke,
like mirrors

In my sleep,
ebony falls,
white rose,
red wine,
broken glass,
cigarette smoke,
green grass,
hollow cell,
no tales,
in my sleep

In my sleep,
perfume sweet,
moon turns to sun,
nightmare has begun,
eyes open,
eyes close,
breathing heavy,
breathing slow,

Cold sweat,
forehead wet,
curtains sway,
moon sails away,
in my dreams,
dark as it may seem,
butterfly dreams

Lifeless painting

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=681469303380&set=a.681469298390.2409661.48920879&theater

Let me hold you, let me touch you, I created you therefore I can love you, take you, to a place you've never been to, to a feeling you've never experienced, sex in its finest, pencil painted, tainted, love drawn, drunk off gin, toxic tonic, let me draw you, I am yours and you are mine, shades of grey, as the day passes turns to night I toil to make you a perfect, like soil I fertilize, harmonize the textures and the shades, dark to light, morning light greets you, but you stay the same, you are perfect, every angle, two dimensional, no flaws, it is too bad you cannot speak, it is too bad you cannot dream, hanging you from wall,soon you will understand, I cannot hold you but I can stare, and wish I can touch your perfect hair, sculpted shoulders, ribs, hips, belly button, the tone is a bit off, so let me fix that, erase that, lips, sweet figs, a portrait of perfection, perfect complexion, you will always be in my dreams, my beautiful, lifeless painting.

Wall Photos

sample from sketchbook.

By:Stacy Stranzl

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Reverse

Let me tell this story backwards, 

phone ringing, eleven twenty seven in the morning, slowly walking backwards creeping into the room, the door closes, striking a pose of regrets, lights turn on in the room, tracing steps back to the washroom, face towl dry then wet by the water in the faucet, spitting back into my mouth the mouth wash mix, close the water faucet, like rewinding the vcr set, belt unbuckling, polo shirt unbuttoning, pants dropping, back to bed, eyes shut, reverse the time to 3 am, here I am, on top of her, hard like a battering ram, from one pose to another, reverse back to missionary, on her back laying breathing heavily, visionary, shouts of climax goes back into my mouth, sperm jumps back into my sac, condom returns to the pack, undo the kiss, undo the tongue, polishing the gums, gum flies on the floor back to her mouth, whispers backwards "wait can't I, yours am I", puts her bra back on her chest, walking backwards facing the light forms a silhouette, from the bed she pushes me forward back to her arms, puts on her charm necklace, hurriedly clothes attach back with pace, pick up the key card on the floor, walk out the door into the hallway walking, back down the stairs, back to the cab, back to the club, back to the first wink, before the first dance, before the first drink, before the music's trance, before we said hello, it was at that moment, our eyes met and our souls let go.

Slaves

As we fall slave to the Illuminati, how dare I say thee, so they chain me, slave me, but I still write in spite of what they might say, or if they may take my freedom away, I write for the youth, for the lost, for the damned, the sickened, the scammed, cos he is raising an army, but I stand before thee with my pen and my pad, quiver while my right hand shivers while writing vigorously, and spontaneously coming up with thoughts and actions that can help separate me from the beast, they feast on the weak, corporate giants stealing the passion from the soul, keeping us half so we will never discover we are whole, soul trapped and locked, invisible box, mental locks, like marx said; slavery is not dead, it just grew another head, named itself a JOB, instead of following our passion, they kill Christ while we gradually develop vices to spice up our life, we close our eyes, fall into a trance at night, the following day is just another replay, another week, another month, every second our life is gone, dwindles while spending on little things that mean little to nothing, sending subliminal minimal messages through TV ads, they should go to jail for their criminal acts, but they pay the heads of state, forget the tax.

Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/kathy_paysen/seeds_of_nightmares#comment-63616

Fallen women

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=166671077124&set=a.132163232124.127815.132157057124&theater

she is trapped, her body is presently a present, but an ominous curse, she flirts with her little skirts, winks at cute guys, she is trapped, body as old as time, shaped like an hour glass, no where else can you find, magnificent how she struts in public, a wink and a kiss at her male puppets, name anything she wants and she's got it, amazing sight when she bends over for it, now who is the puppet, it is the consumer, the producer or the abuser, they say we attract our kind well, she is a magnet for fools, thats why she was abused, and she will be always the victim of being used, she is trapped, even beautiful people pay tax, you think beauty is a gift, thick and sweet like black strap molasses, even beautiful people pay taxes, long legs like giraffes, and many says, you deserve what you gets, is your money maker between your legs, long orange hair, wild in the bedroom, screaming top of her lungs with no care, legs in the air, lust in her breath, marshmallow breasts, caramel for skin, reverse cowgirl, up and down like carousel, climaxing, squeezing her skin like braille, unsavory smell, taste of regret after she breaks a sweat, nothing else

Recent Work

In Motion
pen on Somerset
11.25x9.5 inch diptych
2009.

...

By:STACY STRANZL. fine artist.

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Pink Butterfly

pink is the colour of my eyes, viewing this pink butterfly, pink is the colour of my hair,short hair don't care, a phoenix soaring in the free air, free from the shackles that society keeps, reaps, painting blindfold not thinking how the portrait is going to hold, so unfold the sheets, release the curtains and breathe life in this portrait, forfeit every emotion let the mind take over, locomotion, spiritual escape, fingers move at a steady pace, slowly choosing colour, blending and mixing, mashing and creating, the creative process is a mystery, like god we can't see but we are at its mercy, so I continue to gaze this portrait with amazement, they say the artists paints the picture, but could it be the portrait painting the artist, the hand brush holding the hand, the colours being chosen, we live to paint or do we paint to live, so we escape, our body a shell, the butterfly is where our soul dwells.

Nightmares

thy, thy, thy, I see nightmares in thy eyes, demise, sickness for you are infected, beneath the bed you sleep I see and I feel your body paralyze, can't move, thy thy thy, i see nightmares in thy eyes, im on the bed paralyzed, some lady devilishly says "thy thy thy i see nightmares in thy eyes", says it again ,and again, poisons my mind like lead, then she carves it on the bed spread, on the bed edge, on the wooden grain, while im helpless in this terrain, shocked from fear, overcome by not pain, but by numbness, im feeling helpless as her voice smothers me with the deadly poem, "thy thy thy", i want to get up, feet up, move up, but can't move, body bruised, chained and handcuffed, can't run muck, lying and sitting their like a skinless duck,like a virgin waiting to get...., i feel a grip on my hand, harder, harder, i can't move, i want to scream, i want to shout, i use all my will to burst into tears, but all i feel is the grip getting tighter, and tighter, harder, paralyzed, as i again hear the voice saying "thy thy, nightmare in thy eyes", im scared, hopeless, helpless, smothered by her eerie voice as it sets the room trembling, the cold air screaming, the hair on my head bleaching, white, as if a ghost, but in spite, im still trying to move, i let out a scream, "AHHH!" i look at the clock, its 6:33, it was a dream,

Guys catch feelings too

can you call me? why didn't you call me, can you console me? am I lonely? no, just hungry, so feed me, do I sound needy? greedy? need attention desperately? do I come across as a far fetched dog wishing for the wishing bone, it is not that I just want to bone, just want to get you home, fun times with chris alone, but why don't you call, did you just develop phone illiteracy, what is this policy, do you want the player to get on his knees, beg for your graces, please call me, because this silence is killing me, they say men don't catch feelings, but I got a net and like chips I can bet, if feelings were water I would be wet, if feelings were memory I would never forget, so call me, don't tell me you are busy, cos we used to talk till late, now we don't even get to go out for dates, you used to not hesitate, but now you bring out the brakes, won't even let me in first base, but I can't see it now, am I just being too sensitive, too sticky, oh yea I know what it is, my heart tricked me, and you've have been burned before so you are doing it to me, but I understand the universe, karma is a bitch and, okay you've switched, but at least give me the decency to say "hey, this isn't working out, I'm done, gone bye", that would've been nice, so I'm sending this out to the girls that have done me that way, peace!!

No love

no love, why do we love, is it because we want to know what it is, or what it feels,or maybe it can change our dreams while we sleep, no love, totally misunderstood, like standing in the middle of the street with a quarter short of the bus fee with rain pouring flooding your feet, or walking on clouds, cumulo nimbo, sometimes you get lost no vision stuck in a limbo, but sometimes you feel free, standing tall, making love, loving life like it was free, smiling from ear to ear and smiling with no dimples of fear, but then you look down and you see hell, see doubt, distraught, lost, damned, and you ask yourself why this happened, but you look at the face that you once cherished, and you try to speak with words that have been garnished, but the words don't come out, instead you just let her read the emotions hanging on your head, wondering if you'll ever feel the softness of her bed, love is better when it sleeps with monogamy, like is better when you stare into her eyes, kiss her lips, run your hands down her hips, gently kissing every part never missing a spot, but then you retrace your steps, and you remember the survival skills that have kept you alive, individuality, thats one of the attributes that you can never distribute, but sometimes we lose our way and rely our happiness in her presence, but i just pick up my pen and tell reality that i'll be absent for the next 20 minutes, prepare for my ascent...

Gyals are crazy

I thought I knew you, girls are crazy, lead me, into believing that I knew you, but I didn’t, you tricked me, or maybe I tricked me, I did not know that, one kiss could make me believe that, we could be together, time well spent could grow into forever, I really thought that we could grow together, lay together, friends and lovers forever, but I guess I was wrong, too sprung, off the weed and rum, gin and henney, please forgive me, someone told me, it takes two to tango, but your lips taste as sweet as mango, I guess it was both our fault, we both kept our love in a vault, I should have told you, you should have showed me, what I really meant to you, and I had just forsaken you, please forget me, I want to forget you, my heart bleeds blue, my lungs even weep too, but there are no tears, no gears could ever shift my feelings towards you, so I’ll make it simple, fuck what am I saying I really miss your dimple, or your simple smile, oh please stay for awhile, but my heart is talking, just keep walking, the other direction, my mind is talking now, I’ll never let my heart do the thinking, from now on, I will never won’t, I meant never will, it’s my mind that’s doing the loving, because hearts break and minds don’t, so I’m going to sign the will, never let my heart spill, or slip up, never love never fuck up, never love like a virgin, forget my heart’s origin, just swim in the gin, or get lost in the gym, that’s what I do, to forget you, I promise I’ll get through.

Stormy night

as the sky sets the day ends, dark meets light, twinkle light from the light house signals the coming of the moonlight, wave the sun goodbye, enter the light of the dark, ignited by the yellow spark, flame illuminates from the night light enters my eye, dark shadows camouflaged by purple rain, red jealousy, passionate kiss, velvet lipstick, thick fog drifts from the window pane, lovers in vain, cold ice, golden robe, black woven vice, white cotton pillow sheets, we land in a bed of red roses, half shadow half skin, passionate kissing, moonlight silhouette, paint the picture in black and white so we do not forget, only a memory, seldom diving into this indulgence, pungent scent of lust filled sweat, seal with kiss so we do not forget.

Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/kathy_paysen/purple_rain#comment-63444

Tango with the devil

Shall I dance with the devil, he has me on strings like japetto, so I let go, a twirl, a dance, a strange trance, we swing hand by hand, endless romance, devilish grin while I fall deeper within, charming smile, liquid cocaine for lips, hemp for scent, meth for eyes, just look as he glides, and me, as he slides, his hands against mine, hell fire and brimstone never felt so inviting, so enlightening, It rains, I don't even see the lightning, we walk the long road and forgotten, traveled by the forbidden, so help me, I am the forsaken, so shall I dance, entering this trance, the moon turns red, the sun has bled, the night is the day while the day cries, my soul rides the eternal dance, I am slowly drifting from purgatory, I see regrets, I see demise, I see sickness, am I part of this category, springs of blood waterfalls, so gory, the path is short and easy, I looked into his eyes, I fell for his charm, he snatched my soul from within, I guess I fell for sin


Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/willow/dance_with_the_devil_italian_octave_modern#comment-63414

Imaginary lovaa

Tell me your secrets, don't depart, open your soul and show me a piece of your heart, show the breeze, kisses are what I need, show me how to feel, whisper in my ear while I dream, and when I wake, show me those brown eyes, let down your pride, flash me your smile, stay for a while, why are you leaving, I sense grieving, don't walk out, don't leave now, oh sweet memories don't leave me, not ever, you and me, If i have to, I'll trap you, so you and me, can be, can go, somewhere, no one knows, if only I, I, I can let you lose from my imagination, then we can always be in our paradise vacation, but I will never roll the dice, never take that chance, 1 second of this day dream, 1 minute of this imaginary dance, the trance stops, life begins, it is only you, my one and only dream.

Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/filipinaballerina/mahal_kita#comment-63410

Words vs Ink?

so I try to retract, say what? I didn't say that, get back words, get back thoughts, stammer, pounding my head like a hammer, ooops, golly gosh, is that me, do I sound so posh, not spice but that is my only silly vice, think twice, but with the ink I think once, I talk in baby steps but write in bounces, so how many times have I stumbled and fumbled, only to feel sorry for myself, so I kiss the unsavory heel, so raise your tongues if you know how this feels, blow me a kiss, send me a wish, pray for my words match my verbs and I don't sound like a turd, cos I am a frog when I talk so I wince and sigh, but a prince when I write with fierce pride, am I just a puppet with a pen? and the real voice are my thoughts guiding me, so when I stutter please hide me, bury me deep within my pages, let me sit with my sages, If only I can show them my pages, maybe they won't think so lowly, but I know I am holy, I wish they can see the whole of me.

Inspired by:http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/kathywrites/when_i_write_0#comment-63409

Kamay at daliri

hands and fingers, doers and thinkers, lovers and likers, lovers and haters, tasters and swallowers, quitters and forgivers, harbingers, bingers, saints and sinners, hands and fingers, darkers and sparkers, its all the same game, one and the same, one far, one near, one clear, seer the surface, survive the politicians purpose, outlast the 30 second sprint, while the mind thinks, links the next thought until the motive is passed to emotion, to hands and fingers, life takers and givers, abstract thinkers to analytical spiritual, to the emotional, to the mental, pass the message, bring the solution, abstract linguistic, science instinct, slavery isn't dead it took a different image, from dangerous to voluptuous, provoking pain and pleasure, treachery to treasure, one maybe longer than the other, we still have hands and fingers


Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/david_o_whalen/hands_and_fingers#comment-63403

I want you

I'm sorry I can't be perfect too,

Sometimes I don't think I am right for you,

So I write this with all great intentions,

I'm sending the mailman this devotion

I'm sending out the kisses, the hugs,

the misses, the goodbyes, the hellos, 

the moans, the groans, the love, sweet cinnamon,

hot chocolate sundays, blockbuster saturdays, dinner for two fridays, 

and the love making weekdays

You are right, we don't get along, and this is not enough

and I know you have tried, but baby, im sending pretty wings,

take me back and i'll change everything, let me know what you want

and I'll do it, send me back to your hugs, let me lay on the crest between your head and neck, my haven when I feel burdened, let me get lost in your smile once again, take me back, the night can have its dark, the sun can have its yellow, the sky can have its blue, but I just want you

Inspired by:http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/casey_dalton/i_039_m_not_perfect#comment-63400

Mask

I wear a mask too, so it is not just you, I wear a mask of confidence, the smell of experience, the air of cologne that expresses the absence of stress, a smile that will seduce, a midas touch from a masseuse, but behind it all, like a pit, I fall, deep within my insecurities, locked like an inescapable hell where we dwell, swallowing and wallowing in our closet screaming to be ME! but we fear that no one else will see the picture we paint, the tapestry has two sides, deeper than the beauty or the beast, the difference from a monologue and a speech, we fake a fall, fake a smile, fake a touch, then a kiss, they look in our eyes and they see bliss, but we are as deep and empty as the abyss

Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/parisowl123/my_mask#comment-63399

I hear voices

I hear voices in my head, NO YOU DON'T, i no wait, do I, maybe not,  don't tell them about us, don't tell them about me, the one that helps you sleep, that keeps you comfortable in your dreams, that keeps you awake, NO, you keep asleep in the coffin, you celebrate my wake, you bring the showers, you bring the rain, you give me directions but don't give me direction, I try to tell them, but no one listens, stuck in a system where,, if you are weird you are the victim, so sickening, life threatening, these drugs amplify but I look to them to pacify, they once were my creative and relaxing stimuli, but they thicken the mist they were suppose to demystify, but how do i justify, when people ask if what I am doing is the truth or a lie.

Inspired by:http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/hi_goodbye/voices_in_my_head_1#comment-63398

Lost catholic

I am a christian lost, far from redemption, so God dig through the sand and find my salvation, find me the spirit so I can cope, with these images and visions, world is heavy on my coat, so help, give me a gift, make me uplift, let me sit with you in the heavens, capture my heart, cos my faith is falling every second, where are you, the pastor doesn't know, but I do, so I continue to promote you in everything, cos Im lost, far from salvation, but you are my inspiration, though I don't believe in the church's declaration, you are my mirrory reflection, and you are the light that shines through my window, you are the food on my table, you are the strength in my stable, so even though i don't carry a crucifix, you're cross is stapled in my heart for all eternity

Math and love

You plus me equals forever, so I plucked a thousand feathers to make up this quill that I used to tranquilize my thoughts to make my will, so I spill, a thousand hearts, a thousands roads, crying to the skies hoping to evoke, trying to promote to the heavens, pleading god for us to remain together, so we remain together, add us up to forever, subtract all the mistakes, integrate all the great moments, divide all the pride and break it down, turn the X's into hearts, it's dark when I shout at you, but it is the spark of your smile that makes me go through, the rainy days, the tears of pain, the joyful glee you and me, hopefully the universe can see, that we remain together infinitely

Inspired by: http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/nala1/math_n_love_1#comment-63395

Wake up

blinded by societies blinds, patients in their hospital, with an IV we sleep silently, societies coma, dead flower's aroma, savage diploma, like working so hard to be a rich slave, horses pulling their carriage getting paid only minimum wage, rich slaves with calluses everywhere that say "9-5 no life just work" body burned, scorched, torched using the flame that helped lure the moth, scary, we don't take the risk cos we forget to live, we forget what life is, we work to live not live to work, and thats how it should work, more money more problems, more honey more bees, more cheese more rats, more money more tax, thats just the facts, so im struggling now to escape this bureaucracy, this life that is full of fallacies, a fantasy where we are drones following a obese queen, asleep in our nightmare that they call american dream, wake up, wake up wake up

Free

i jumped on my spaceship and said peace, like i've aborted myself from this earthly crease, so i sail off to the winds, take me away into the sky, let me fly with my weed and i breathe, and i see, and i sleep on the clouds, beside the stars, riding mars, floating on venus, suppose this life is just, is just, imaginary, hollow and graveyard obituary, but its just me being opinionative, and my lyrics are subjective to the most open minded, contradictory allegory, that i have embodied my heart and soul in fully, so fill me with smoke so i can evoke the soul that has evaporated from my pores, so light me up with the soul of bob marley, smoke rises from my temple heavenly, so let me toke once more, an ounce, a gram, give me more until i cannot withstand the gravity that has lazily shackled me and prevented me from spreading my wings, give me a gram to help me produce an anagram, blind me from the abyss, drop me to the bottomless floor until i can't stand anymore, until i sink into oblivion, i don't want to be societies minions, smoke till i stink like onions, small eyes big toes like paul bunion, so floats away to the infinite galaxy, where me and the weed and me and the big nugget of green are free. only free

Old soul

i am an old soul, i have wisdom and don't chose to be, but i am wise, i learn and these tattered clothes are my disguise, an instinct of a criminal, linguistic of a martial artist, scientific to every inch, every vertebra connects with reality, not forgetting what having manners mean, while others laugh and play, im toiling, not spoiling even one second to make sure my future is progressive, i quit engineering for training, why, ask me where i train, ill tell you that it doesn't matter, ask me how i train, and tell you in the heat of the terrain, in the coldest winter, im indian seated, deep in thought, floating and meditating, experimenting on this opportunity of being in my twenties, im young but im distant from dumb and ive given up on degrees because universities have given up on the real meaning of educating, im learning from the knowledge the world has bestowed on me, knowledge comes in all forms, like a blast, kaboom, not only found in classrooms, not only found in books, but found in mistakes, found in trials, found in tears, found in wise peers, found in the fundamentals of your values, they say when you stand for nothing, you fall for everything, well i stand in the heat of the winter, in the winchill i remain calm, sit still while i write with my imaginary pen-cil, and dig deep into my soul using my experiences as the drill, find the true meaning why money makes us sleepless, why women with thick thighs and thick breasts call for us and breakdown our fortress, but i try to never let the stress trespass and tiptoe passed the pieces of our fragile fiber glass that we call society.

Wishes

in my dreams and wishes, i see a sky filled with kisses, roses, fields of red blushes of milk, a bed with linen as soft as silk, but those are my wishes, filled with pipe dreams, smoke rises, adrenaline rushes, thoughts filled with emotions, dreams and wishes, in my wishes, there are no bitches, no riches, just smiles painted with colors of happiness, so what are in my wishes, cars, jewels, big houses with furnished basements, those are the basics, thick women, financial freedom, a life where, stress is as light as the air, where we see the light but we can open our eyes to the glare, where we embody what we say, where we say what we mean and do what we say, where a plane ticket to the bahamas with lots of mamas is an hour away, where we don't have to worry about tuition, where we can really listen, where we can just sit down in some place, where we can erase, our mistakes, by the deeds we do today, by the life we live today, i wish for the best, i am forfeiting the rest, taking a chance, where we suffer or succeed, im doing what i feel i need, im doing where the money and my heart both agree...

Dangers of one night stand

white lights, dark night, two lovers, two friends, the plot thickens, two glasses, two hands collide, two eyes, with your glasses you have four, im kidding, with a bottle I'll have more,vision blurry but i see clear, walking side by side on the side of the bridge, flirts, skirts, i point to the moon and your breast brushes my shirt, i pause but you smile, then you laugh, then i point to the far moon, i said i can give it to you if you want me too, let me lasso it like in the movies, she kissed me and said lets get a snack like scooby, ice cream, strawberry and mango, delicious, one touch, each lick of the ice cream drives me delirious, but im still serious, i wipe ice cream off your lips, and you slap me like it was a game, in my head this moment has played many times, by many girls, same role different face, so what is different, her smell, her touch, her voice, the same, her name, maybe her eyes, nah thats the same, deja vu, when will i get a clue, i look around she slaps me and says im getting wild and wet, roll up a joint so we can forget, let me lose, let me forfeit, let me lose my will, let me let you win, sin, take control leave me breathless like im gasping for air, gasping for wind, gasping for lust, trying to force myself out of this but i can't, trapped in a movie, i know the end, but i still chose to press play, not knowing, only feeling, kinesthetic, logic, im just a beast in bed and thats my emotion, so when the lights go off don't expect me to be chris, don't expect me to love, im not a saint, im not sent from above, im not from hell either, but would you rather, she doesn't listen, just gets the undressing, hair ripping, shouting, tempting, who can resist, her back bent, erector spinae present, well defined, hips like an hour glass, an hour has passed, the mask of lust is gone, the flavour has soured, the animal is satisfied, my hormones are pacified, i kiss you and you to me, secretly we just lied, we sleep facing apart cos we don't share the same heart, we face the other way cos we know this is the easiest way to stray, to fade away, to escape, to savor the 60 minutes to pleasure alone, its cold alone.

Doubt

doubt is like a cloud that is as dark as stout, that rains over your head, it has a voice and it shouts, it has a crooked path route, like 16 shots to the head to pass out, only to the most devout, self doubters, it scatters like flees on the backs of dogs, an unwanted bog, waiting to burst and explode at the height, annoying mental croaks like a frog, it strikes at the weakest moment at night, lying in bed looking at the starry night, like corrupting your dreams as you sleep silently, quietly, a battle rages, no blood but it still reaches the front pages, you can see read it from the doubters face like a gauge, you fall when you engage in this tempting phase, a self-doubters friend is his mirror image where he can pretend to be someone else only to be crushed by his fears, so he goes back to his reality where he despises to the highest degree, but he is afraid to risk it, delicate like an age old biscuit, it is easy to mis it, to be a misfit, but in his heart is an imprint of the life he wants to be married with, but the shadows around him haunt him, his mirror image isn't him, he is walking a tight rope, sweat pours down his brow, his vision narrows as he looks down at the crowd, as he looks around at the onlookers, but his focus is like magic like hocus pocus, but his pompus ignorance keeps looking down, his face is stoic, no smile no frown, just focus, like a circus act waiting and wailing, he walks the tight rope, no strings no rope, only with him are his clothes and wings of hope, breath by breath, step by step, hoping his next decision is a stepping stone instead of a tombstone

Life switch

where do i go, where my clears hover above me like snow, when they pour into my ears and drift into my nightmares, where they corrupt my judgement and give me empty promises, where the lies are so thick that i can't even see my soul, where my voice is weak and the truth is only that keeps me warm in this cold, where the truth is not found in the ordinary, in the contemporary, but this is what i preach but i can't seem to see with my very own two eyes, this is what i teach but i can't seem to follow, cos the road along the way is the least traveled, cos the route chosen is for the stupid or brave, shit is he really about to switch from engineering to fitness? is he crazy? is he just lazy? nah, i my ears are open and i've found my calling, i don't want to look back, the only thing that can convince me are the hard facts, they can be cold but warm, they can come in bits or in a swarm, i just need a sign like a postcard, send my energy and vibes out and see what the universe sends back to me, is it really that easy? i know this is right for me, my body mind and spirit know it, but i don't know if the money will support it, im willing to hand out flyers in the snow, in the cold, long hours of the night, hardwork is what i uphold, and i will never hold myself back, place deadlines on my life, ultimatums on where i should be at, cos life is education, no need for school tuition, as long as you keep on learning, you'll be living your dreams.

Train tracks

i see all the train tracks, where men have fallen cos they relaxed, ive seen the bills that they've been taxed, i know the facts, i know im whole but there is still that giant whole that i lack, and i wish i could just quit now, sit back and relax, unclog the plaque, demystify and testify cos sometimes i don't know what im up against, i don't know the road ahead, and i know mistakes is a part of life that makes us human, but that part i want to skip, i wish i could rip this fabric into bits, tear it with my teeth and spit it out with my lips, trippin off smirnoff living off, but ofcourse, these nightmares have driven off, these theses i have written off, these 10 hour days haven't even paid off, so how can, can i live just because, or should i live cos i choose to, and these options are what i have to get used to, cos the sooner you accept the sooner you learn to sleep with all those regrets, cos decisions turn to either happiness or tumbleweeds of regrets that you cannot forget, cos while you sleep, slippery, the sweat on your feet is what is keeping you from reaching your dreams, your, or should i say I, I am falling but this is just a mood swing that i can eventually swing out off, the playground, the quick sand, think fast, it is a fast world, and you gotta maneuver, know your limits like a ruler and work with it, the decision i have made may not have cured my sleepless nights, tossing and turning but it is the fatigue that kept me out of that horror filled league, but i, continue to see, my past haunting me, a building a foundation crumbling, while i wake up, straight to work, like balls but im juggling, and im remembering i had life figured out, but somehow, like a thief at night, struck me and now im cross-eyed and hunched back so can't walk or see straight, through the maze.

Her beauty

cabin night, muskoka night, it was my weed, alcohol and my friends, something about this night, it was definitely the company i kept, it was one of those nights that you were loving your life, it was one of those nights that you could truly relax and turn a blind eye, cos tomorrow couldn't come any later, if i could talk to time, i would say take your time, tomorrow is too far in the horizon, so please leave me and my friends alone, please, im living my youth and im just mixing mr belvedre and mr orange juice, so please excuse me, suddenly, this honey approaches me, smiles and says why arent you pouring a drink for me? so i said, take a seat, enjoy the night with me, blunt, sex and alcohol, a perfect mixture, the only thing that bothers me in this picture is our clothes, so while we drank, i let the alcohol control until one by one our consciousness unfolds, till our clothes slowly come off, a couple of shots, a couple of kisses, a couple of laughs and we'll be getting into business, my girl passes out on the couch on my lap, she looked at me, hey chris take care of me, im just going to nap, i said ok, no problem sweet heart, i lean on her i hear her heart pound, i look at the moon, life a wolf, i howl,i know this moment, ive been here before, im experienced so there is no need to rush it, just enjoy the moment, the anticipation is like a rush of adrenaline, something you gotta take control and let it control you, i look down at the birch floor, i look around i smile cos my boy just took his girl to the room, and i know he's going to score, he looks at me and with his bloodshut eyes, he winks, puts up his drink, smiles and we knew that we had a great night, the night wasn't over, i still had this honey rolling over, touching my thighs, groping it, holding it, squeezing to get my attention, i stroke her head, down to her arms and shoulder, her head on my lap, she looks at me hey chris i feel bolder, she gets up and leans, crotch pressing on my jeans, her breast wasn't big but tonite it seemed like it, i guess it was the effects of the alcohol, she said chris lets take one more shot, with her hands wrapped around my head, i said yea, we took one last shot, i left the burn throughout my throat, down to my esophagus, then we eloped, floating to the bedroom, one by one off her clothes went, step by step, a beautiful rhythm, undressing and teasing each other, visual foreplay, one hand against he wall for balance, as we remove the last piece of clothing, it was my chance, at this moment, a rare moment, she lets you see her real beauty, something that the world will never see, she whispers to me, tattoo on her skin says "for your eyes only" , beautiful, against the dark and the light she is radiant, something these porn labels couldn't never duplicate, sex cannot be portrayed on a screen with two strangers, with no love, or passion, only a real woman can provide this sensation, this is real life passion, we get on the bed and dance between the sheets, i wish this was real, you gotta envy my imagination...

After watching fight club

my intentions are good, so please don't let me be misunderstood, im standing in societies highway, looking up the highest building today, clutching my fist at it, questioning how we are living today, am i just being dramatic, the movie fight club left me traumatic, having questioning my cause and existence, let me share you this quote for instance "we are owned buy the things we own", can someone explain that to me, credit cards, payments, phone bills, we do not own ourselves anymore, slaves to society, living a life of blinding philosophy, they have us handcuffed, chained, with our eyelids lifted while we watch our generation turn into misfits, no, forget it, forget misfits, worse, a curse, they have turned us into... ill thinkers, followers, weak, no voice, no say, scared, yes thats what we are, scared to be who we are, we have trapped the rebel, we have let ourselves be who they want us to be, watching what they want, talking they way we are suppose to, but what about us, what about the rebel, forget being nice and considerate, we live in a tough world, grow some balls and live with it, forget the conventional, its time, our time to be original, "only when we have lost everything we are free to do anything" anything, anything, does that shake your entire being, the thought to be free from fear, to be anything, yes, anything, fear, doubt, insecurity, let these all burn in the face of your destiny, scary, yes, hell yea, whats to be scared about, failure, what if we fracture, what if it is a mistake, a mistake to be original, i can't lie, im scared too, afraid, fear, it is infectious, contagious, it grows, like weeds, against the wind, can you hear it breathe, can you feel it grow, im human, i fear it too, and fear sometimes surrounds me, it howls at me, laughs at me, but i chose to be different, eccentric, thats what they call it, well fuck it, im believing in myself, fuck the public, im the poet, im creating these lines, i help build these bars, i've fallen and i accept my scars, so i don't care, i have no attachment, all i have is a vision and attached to it is a road map with directions.

Montreal Stallion 2

there is so many things i can do with you, with the disco lights body like a stallion, eyes shine bright like a medallion and im just dreaming,laying on my bed with my eyes open, staring at the ceiling, of the night we had, so golden, memorable, its been so long, so far, so gone, so leave the lights on if you want to, my thoughts conceal you, trapped, and with this pen, im trying to free you, i can see you sail away with a white dress, in the misty fog, on a sail, on the edge, looking at me, longing for my caress, and me on the doorstep, on montreal night we could not forget, looking at my eyes, waiting for my next step, and could you ask yourself, what if you let me in the room, what if i had never left, would you consume me, and i did you, i wonder if i would be a fool, for chasing you, but im just painting with my pen, not only do i write with it but i can draw our night out with it, or even trace our future with it, so come with me, to our fantasy, escape everything, the last thing i want is to wonder, what if, what if, what if i didn't even bother, what if i didn't meet you that night, what if we never took that dance, what if we never took that cab ride, what if we never talked on skype, what if i never disappeared, what if i tried, what if you tried, im tired of what ifs,

The world is watching

inner battle, inner fight, thats why i can't sleep at night, outside i see lighted cars horns that wake up my scars, i close the curtains cos i feel the world is watching, eyes on the window, blink blink, i can hear the world think think, while im tip toeing on the brink brink, sometimes im hypnotized by the way i fall like a vortex in the sink sink, but just think if i didn't have my ink, so i just cuddle with my shadow while i wallow and swallow misery's wife called sorrow, arms to chest, behind me i feel my shadow hovering over me, i think these drugs have finally got a hold of me, somehow i got to see, but all i see is the mirror with my enemy holding an axe at me, so i close my eyes and look to the rain, rain that rushes the window pane, like horses stampeding, drizzling, the clash, so startling, staring at the rain, where did all my ambitions go, when all i ever done turns to stone, everything i see is grey, part of me still fights but the purpose of it all is a pin stuck in hay, and its up to me to find it, im lost...

Weed and alcohol + 16

drinks to drinks laugh to laugh, everything is alright till we taste the aftermath, yea we all can add, but can be subtract, take away all the mistakes we had, no, thats how life is, and these hard lessons is what help us grow, a socially awkward bafoon, inflated, head like a balloon, swimming in sin, lost in lust, dark trapped in a lagoon, eat chocolates no shrooms, deflowered, but you are still pure, the smell of incense disguised as weed scent lures, provokes me to blow kisses not smoke, so intense, that i, that i, drink the crooked I, till my eyes are crooked, bent, hell bent, driving on mary jay street with no helmet, for heaven's sake, is there any drug that can tell me my fate, cos i have friends but no one that i can relate, so i roll up my papes, so i can escape, breathing in the smoke, toke by toke, i slowly elevate, to the sky, but no one knows that i, meditate, so i fly, so high, till i fall, on the bed room floor, with a stranger i never met before, but thats ok, cos thats my fate, another escape but thrusted back into the arms of which i have lusted for, the mirror i can't ignore, but thats ok, just... sleep..

So irritable

lately i've been irritable lately, cos lately ive been thinking about the reader not judging me, cos i am a lot of things to different people, and just last night i could not sleep, tossing and turning on my uncomfortable sheets, me and my sheets, just a couple of nights ago it was me and you and me in between, but not even sex could take this pressure off my chest, no, i need to address this growing issue as i look at the clock, its eight-fifty three, seven minutes before nine, that leaves me ten hours before my first job since serving, sixty hours till my next interview at goodlife, life is not good, and it will never be, seen through the eyes of the pessimistic, chris, get a fucking grip, but i can't cos the image of a beautiful picture keeps slipping of my delicate fingers, into the mouse hole, i run for it, i try to catch it, snatch it before it gets away, i want to hold it, tightly, nightly, i see it, frightened, gasp for air, deep breath, i jump into a pit, dark, fall, stumble on a thin wire, just walking through the wire above the heat of the fire, as each hour i can feel my body expire, as each minute i can feel the sweat, as i perspire, i can feel the heat, as each second passes by i wish it never did, so i can recollect and try not to slip, i don't want to sleep cos i don't want life to be cheating, dreaming is not reality, it is what we want to see, what we dream, but we wake up to the truth, so thats why we never remember our dreams, cos if we did, we would never wake up to this shit, never have to deal with school never deal with break ups, heart aches, the winter of our lives, the summer of our dreams, rose petals, winter pines, grassy fields and waterfalls, to the cold lights and frozen lake on niagra falls, and tell me when you sleep, do you ever feel like falling, and you wake up on the same bed you were lying, you know what was happening, it was god and the devil battling, over your soul, scavenging, like vultures on the sandy shores of the sahara, hovering, over our half dead corpse, ofcourse, i kept my one eye open while i was sleeping, i wasn't dreaming, maybe i going crazy, life has to stop cheating, im just fighting against my will and i think im getting lazy, im sick and tired, im sick of being sick and tired of being broke..

Being a player sucks. One nightmare stands

we can work it out, sorry i gotta cut ties, it was only for 1 night, it was great, it was great for you right, cos for me it was, but thats, i mean, it was great, leave it at that, wait, where are you going, it was real? yea i know, it was for me too, you said it is all nothing, u said it more than once, so i never took you for a dunce, but things change, don't place the blame, love, lust, like, its all a game, and we are very good at it, no strings attached right, wasn't it that agreement we had, we signed it in silence, a non verbal unethical decision, and we sealed it with a kiss, with alcohol dripping from our lips, the disco and strobe lights, music playing, banging, and you, magnificently astounding, chest like double D marshmallow, and me, your tan skinned knight accompanied with a devilish smile, im dangerous, explosive words, volatile, that enter your mind in no time, that silence your morals, that shuts down your guard, places morphine on all your scars, enhancing the moment of excitement, yes, im good at it, so please close your eyes and tell me what you want with your eyes, tell me what you want within with your skin.. just think, pleasure is on the other side of the hill, ill walk you through the pain, ill take you down there, i got gills, work it out like a drill, a small crack, a giant drill, hard like an anvil, silhouette revealed, moaning from the unrelenting, overwhelming skill, im the master stay still, tonite, nothing is real, but everything else is,

Lay down

she told me to lay down, she told me to place her on the ground, maiden, undressing, kissing, gentle teasing, playful pokes, lips taste like cigarette smoke, continue and provoke, yoke is getting heavy, eyes are groggy, just smoked an ounce, and now, im ready to pounce, mr. grey goose, hennesy, backwoods, lights off, like a rocket, ready to take off, she tells me to lay down, told me to place her on the ground, her hand grazes my face, sensual and soft, with the same hand, turns the lights off, it wasn't part of the plan, this was unrehearsed, this is what twenty two year olds take part, a birth, more like a rebirth, my hands slowly glide to her waist, gliding on her girth, slowing unbuttoning, tongue playing, she told me to lay down, she told me to place her legs on the ground, spread apart, whispers in my ear, enter your arc, im ready my dear, tight like an orange, untouched virgin, i think thats what they call it, thats what it felt like, slow it down chris, not too fast, it hurts, is that what love is, looking at her, staring at her confused eyes, i release a devilish smile.. what a night

Lust vs love

it starts out as a marriage, embellished friendship, an emblem of significance, the difference, it all lies in the few sentences, unfolds in the next phrases, for we are jailed, scared to love, free to lust, lost in the text, blessed with lies, running with hate, humane mistakes, left there, lying, in the pool of lies, picked apart, softness is the bate, treachery is the bate, suffering and tears, their fate, for lust's sake, forgive them, forgive us, sex is the bate, sex is the allure, forgotten bliss, fake kiss, cheap lipstick, animal instincts, thrilling, dim lights, curses, scars, painful bites, memories of soft thighs, skin tights, the moon cries, heart sighs, winks, shouts, midnight howls, life a wolf, hunts for food, pussy is the juice, succulent, dirtily magnificent, trust in, trust in, plastic protection, pastor, please forgive, for we sin, pills, magazines, thrills, ills, drowning us, deep, no gills, only a nose, knows only hoes, golden bangles, stilettos, high heels, low esteem, we know, yea we know, but we still go, forfeit all, virtues, lover, Einstein in bed, virtuoso, but no love, cold, pluto, far distant, after succumbing, leaves, girl thinking, easy, yes, no stress, more to brag, one more in the bag, phone rings, bell, jazebelle, hell, spell lust, ok, but love, close eyes, blind, spellbound, loves only dogs, hound, where are women, strong, passionate, mothers, daughters, ashamed, sinners, hide us, please, hide us, love, trust, sincerity, a bond, longevity, peaceful night, serene, voice heavenly, touch, gently, start something, family..

Sex with a classmate?

it was a friday night, my buddies and i were celebrating the last day of exams, as i took a sip i felt a vibration on my hip, a text message, "message received, my phone spoke to me,"it was a text from this girl in our class, i wonder what she had to say, she was a classmate who had been eyein me since the first day, i knew she had a man and i know she's been dropping hints for awhile, so i read the message to see what it is about, hey chris its erin whatsup, what are you doing tonite,KABLAM, like an open goal, its an easy score, i said nothing much just hanging out with vic and such, what about you, what you up to, nothing much my mans out for the week, so i guess ill be playing the home alone geek, i said, ahh don't tell me your home alone, i said you should have came out with us then you wouldn't be hot and bored at home, she said,, yea its a bit too late plus i don't like drinking and driving, its dangerous you know, i replied with a simple OK, letting her bite the bate, i know she wants me to come over and consummate but i gotta let her push for the date, she replied 5 minutes late saying, hey chris you know i still have your calculator, remember, i said, oh yea i remember, i said don't worry you can keep it, its just a calc i got many more at home, plus i dont know where you live, it'll be a long drive for me, plus im a bit tipsy, ahh chris, you're too nice, don't worry you dont have to leave you can stay over a bit, oh yea my fridge is broken, you are good with your hands so maybe you could give ME.. oh i meant it a quick fix, i've seen you with your hands you're really good with your hands, i said you said i was good with my hands twice, what are you trying to say, she said, i meant nothing, so come over at 12 ok?, ok send me your address and ill be there as soon as i can, "knock knock" im at her doorstep, she opens the door wearing nothing but her corset, lingerie hanging and tight breast cavity, oooh shit what a sight to see, shit damn im tipsy, so i said, why are you wearing just your lingerie, she said its hot and i was just keeping cold, i said its cold outside, minus 10 below, ok i said never mind, where is the calculator, the night is getting old, i better go, she said come in, its in the bedroom, she whispered devilishly, next to the vibrator, i said what, she said nothing its in the bed room go get it, oh before you get it, can you take a look at the fridge for a minute, i said ok, ill take a look at and ill see what is wrong with it, ok chris, you can't go until you fix it, i tell her to grab the calc, as soon as i bother with the fridge, i hear a scream, slip, i shout, are you alright erin, chris i fell, i don't know where i am, come get me, i rushed in the room, i walk in, its dark, i said where are you, the lights quickly turned on, to my surprise, something fell alright, her clothes, oh my, kinky, she looks at me dirty, places her red panty on the lamp, room turned dim red, like a snake coils and lays on her bed, my eyes open my heart pounds, she does the come here gesture with her index finger, i come closer, i said what are you doing, starts unbuttoning, she whispers, you know what im doing... rough red neck, triple X sex while laying on the bed edge, breaking backs and necks, splitting spines, pounding that gushy gushy in supine, laying there lying sweaty sin steaming inside, bite marks, scratches, lighting that lustful flame like matches...

Hawk in the night

the night is calling like, like a hawk, stalking, walking on the walls, put this in your mouth and breath like halls, now pause, stop running, there is dirt on your paws, for we are small, kings to pawns, sharks to prawns, no rhyme sentence or pattern, mind gone, spaced out like saturn, when will i return, im small stuck, dead like dust in the urn, so feel me, see me, guitar strings like puppets on stage, nothing but music fills me, this rhyme means nothing to me, but it is apart from me, apart from me, is an apartment full of compartments that i depart when you hear the roar when my fingers hit the keyboard, and so like a phoenix i travel and soar, into time, untouched oasis, stillness of a lake is where our peace of mind exists, body moves and curves and the groves, spill wine and dance, like the intimate romance, the swivel of her waist, intimacy is a sin to a nun meditating on celibacy, but that is far from me a different galaxy, while in my universe i battle a fixed fallacy, a battle, trapped in the interwoven elastic tapestry, a cave, cavern of lust, she bows to me, on her knees, calls me her majesty, lust is satisfactory but love satisfies me, so call me, within the deep halls of thee...

Youth now

Yea I but kids now a days cover up with lipstick, angels turn to misfits, mischevious ideas that conjure up make up, so kids swallow more than lipstick, paint dipsticks on their lips, falling inlove with the misprint that life is about cheap gimmicks, but im not immune to this sickness, sometimes I fall, deep within the realms of my sanity, vanity is nothing but clear glass tainted with silver linings, so when I look at the image I see lies implanted like a seed with no sun, or air, the truth we are blind to infront but eyes closed like glare, so spare me your futile impaired judgements about the world and how about no one cares, cos where on the contract does it say that life cares, a misprint hat we imprint in our instincts, truly a fare game, nothing is true, everything we say is a lie, so there is goes, a fake halo, shoot me if I lie like halo, awake no, we are but asses leaping, falling asleep on the steering wheel, while the real driver is our ego, so where do we go, if we don’t know who we are, why should I please for their pleasure for I am my own treasure, buried deep within me, is me, a sculpture of the woman or man that I want to be, so save me from the lies of today yesterday and tomorrow, and I promise to be, all I can be, like the army, but salvation is far from me, so I dream, where I am awake, a paradox an oxymoron of what is fake, and enigma like a tumor, sick of all the rumors, I want to be me, sick of being sick and this feelings are ridiculous, a trick , like I was the dog with the bone, it is as it was in the parable, staring at the water, looking into my reflection, belittling what I considered to be my best, opposite of being head and above of the rest, a test, yes, this is mine, what is yours,

16 and in Love, sam chris

yea i have changed, what you said stunned me a bit, kinda hurt me a little. i have a different outlook on life, im looking at the world at a mature point of view, what are you looking at? are you still stuck with a 16 yr old image of chris?

what do you expect from me chris, you left me chris, i still remember your 16 year old image, my heart was ripped to shreds, torn, im still collecting the pieces, i wish we never met, i wish you never left, i bled, to this day i regret we ever met, dammit,

but what did you want me to do, sam, you were everything i ever had, my 16 year old heart could never love so hard, i could never see anyone the same, when i left, i was to blame, i was the culprit, until now no one could ever fit, i admit it, there is still hole, a void, and i admit i avoided love, but how could i, how could i lie to myself that anyone could replace your name in my heart, your voice, your skin, your touch, you were the torch that kept me alive, and i am glad we kept in touch, but, in the back of my mind, i still hope that someday we finally meet, have a future we were suppose to build, suppose to nurture, it wasn't suppose to fracture,

chris, to be honest, i wish i had given myself up to you, but im glad i didnt, cos if i did, i would die, knowing that the next day you would be next to my side, know that we were never going to kiss again, oh wait, tears, not again, i hate you, i wish i never met you, i still remember the day before when you left, it was dark in my car,we hugged and cried each of us lying in our arms, sobbing like there was no tomorrow, cos we knew that there would be no tomorrow, what would you do if you had one more kiss with the person that consisted of your whole entire existence?

so im writing this verse with tears in my eyes, a letter that will never meet your eyes, cos i know, i just know that we will meet someday, till that day, i will be a better man, never forgetting where i came from, never forgetting what love really means, to love with no fears, like poetry expressing entirely what you feel

Story 2:A boyfriend? Really?

haha.. bro check this out, i was waiting in the bus stop right out of school, busted out my head phones, cranked the tunes, the suddenly, out of nowhere came this, impeccable, highly thick, sick looking, half jamaican hick, sweet thang, dreadlocks like big cigar blunts, goldilocks, i said oo, this is my chance, to get to know this girl so that one day we can go out for a dance, dutty wine, walking, hips giggling, like fine wine, small waist, thinking to myself, this moment i could not waste, keeping composure and grace, i was daydreaming, the bus was almost leaving, i made a run for it, cold canada and hostile wind temperature was the only thing getting in my direction, got on the bus, caught my breath for a second, scanned the people in the bus, looked for a seat close enough in the range of her peripheral vision, sitting and waiting was such a mission, thinking to myself damn, this is going to get awkward, i've done this before, i know the code, the game, what if she thinks im lame,nah, just stick to your guns and skills, be real, keep it 100, done this a 100 times, but this one was different, something magnificent happened everytime she passed by, like a dove in the sky, whistles of bells jingling, birds chirping, sweet tingling, she already has me whipped, could she be the one, damn the bus just stopped at square one, my heart skipped, got off the bus, thought about it for a minute, how should i approach, whats my gimmick, hesitation was my only limitation, so i said fuck it, whats with this cowardice, pussy, are you kidding me, go talk to this girl, no need for details, just in and out, grab her email, so i did that, grabbed her by the arm, remained calm, i said my name is chris, whats yours, alexis, nice, sweet, how you doing, whats your program in sheridan, electrical engineering, im chemical, anyway, i have to go, its getting cold, its freezing, minus 20 below, ill see you in school, take care bye.. oh before you leave i need your email if you dont mind, sweet... snatched it, boom bastic, got this girl, so i quickly got home sent her a quick note, she replied and said, sorry,, just to let you know, no offense, don't take this the wrong way, im thinking.. hmm i've never seen this trend... she replies once more and says, just to let you know i got a boyfriend.

Montreal Stallion

walking down the stairs, headed for the door, bright lights of montreal casino, roll the dice, take a dive into this vice, take a chance, then some angel caught my glance, caramel skin tone complexion, thick, rich and deep eyes, sweet thighs wearing skin tights, wifey?, unlikely, but could be, she had me amazed by her stare and gaze, she looked like a diva, she is hot, blazing, fever, feeling feverish, i knew i had to make this, move, so smooth, i thought i missed my chance, i saw you in the club dancing, for a short period, i pictured us romancing, under the moon dancing, my eyes were on you like white on rice, spending our last moments in this dark dance floor paradise, but you drifted away, away without a trace, into the sea of faceless faces, trace this back to the moon, catch the star so i can make a wish, one more chance to catch this caramel sensation, on the last night in montreal, on the last night of montreal, like it was fate, like the gods decided to meet there, at the right time, when i saw you at the bar, i knew you were mine, we drove into the dance floor like a car, and then like a star, bursts of passion and desire, hands on your hips, i guide you as we glide, to where no one can find, to where our hidden desires burn, your lips i wanted to earn, and slowly, as we groove, we unfurl, wild flower, so much fire, so much power, so much intense touching, groping, big bang, sing sang, sweet thang, words slur, everything is blur, with my eyes close, all my skin feels is her, her scent her sweat, her curves, sweet tenderness caress, giving the moon coffee cos this night i never wanted to end, headed back to the hotel, i push her head back against the wall, tongue play, like kissing wasn't my only forte, wrapping her hands against my neck, foreplay, like wii she wanted to play, but i told her to sleep well, have good dreams of me, and continue this escapade while you sleep, i close the door, i say to myself, what a night to remember, her name, amelia.

Awake or asleep 2

my eyes open to the darkness, i get out off bed, look for my phone on the floor, check the time, its 1 am, disoriented, confused, i don't know what to do, like horses running, thats how i feel, racetrack stampeding, lost, at the window staring, thoughts like a perfect circle, images flashing back and circling, head moving like an owl,howling at the pitch black scene, wondering if this is a dream or am i hanging out of a cliff to where reality sits, to where fantasy ends, but i guess, could it be the stress, the underlying fact that i have stuff on my mind, so i take a shallow breathe for a moment, getting on my knees, staring at the ceiling like i was praying to an omen, lie down and i wish i could plug my ears, cos the sound won't disappear, ringing, tingling, confusion, like fusion explosion when sound meets silence, the boundaries of insanity are limitless, bottomless,walking down the wooden hallway, staring at an old decrepit portrait of myself, so i sleep, continuing the previous dream, only to be floating like air, but only asleep, deep within a realm where our nonconscious dwells,,

Can you find the heart beat between the words?

yes i was wrong, yes it was me, yes it wasn't you, it was my fault, forgive me please, cold heart, no heart, no life, blue veins, cold tears, so many years, memories, so single so solitary, so jailed, so penitentiary, so wrong, such a felony, and what i've learned, when you click you click, no games, no need to play play any tricks, no playing time just lots of loving time, so many times, so many days, so many months, and i still remember them like i, i, i gave up, i looked down, but you kept me up, you gave me the pen, the beat to which i rhyme, you are my poetry, i wish you never left me, you were the life to the rhymes, the beats, the lyrics, the words, the sentences, the cadences, the heart to the mind, body to soul, im just crawling, you left me in the cold, but it was my fault, i locked my self, i lied to you, but i had to go through it, it was my sin, i am in the forest, and the trees are temptations, i am a man lost from salvation, lost and grounded, deep and far from redemption, please forgive me, so ill be standing outside, calling your name till it rains in the heat of summer, till it reaches 80 degrees in the winter, till you can finally see your name carved in my heart center, till you see , you see, dammit, im hurt, i fucked up, my nose is clogging up, please see

It was all a dream

keeping pushing thats what the doctors say, to the girl that got pregnant the opposite of late, what a claim to make, a baby at such a tender age, feeling depressed like sanity and god gave up on her, like life just said fuck it and let this man fuck her, like no one gave a damn, like her luck left the door and ran, cos thats what her man did, candid moment as he left her stranded, on the door step shinning against the light, just as the baby opened her eyes, he said bye, just as the baby opened her eyes, the door shuts, tears run down the woman's eyes, trying to hide, trying to find, trying to make a life with no education but she knows she has to fight against... everything life has to bring, trying to find love so she gets down on her knees, lifts her head above, praying to god please, sends him her please's, help me's, god dammit's, so she think's about the what if's, what if i didn't, what if i, what if i, but the truth is only in her eyes, pain she disguises with a shaky smile, her daughter's snore sends her strength to move, but as the baby sleeps she sits and stares at the wall in room, she gets off the bed, sits in the corner of the room, places her hands together, bless, knees to her chest, talks to herself 'when will i finally get to rest', this is my life's test, the walls in the room cave in, deep breaths, hard to breathe, stiff neck, lights dim, she wakes from a dream only to be woken by a shout 'mommy come swim', sunlight blinds her for a bit, she wakes and knocks the pina colada shake, splashes of warm water strike her face, her daughter's smile is brighter than the sun rays, just a dream, just a dream,

Me or chris

im sorry chris, i failed you again, i was weak again, or should i say me, no you, wait, don't get confused i know you who you are referring to, its me, the man in the mirror is never the man we are ashamed to see as our reflection, so time to take the gloves out for this inspection, i was wrong again, life is a big puzzle and i can't solve it, i wish it was an equation so i can balance it, i wish it was as simple as saying hello, how are you doing today, my name is chris, but it never is, im your server today what can i get you, oh you want to start off with a fuck you, a piss in a class as your drink, a fat ass as your entree, main course, so what do you call this, when life gives you shit, shit, im stuck again in my pursuit, like dog chasing its tail, never knowing that what you were chasing is behind you, so that means it is chasing you, not the other way, but we, or i should i say I still never look at it that way, i continue to chase what i already have, even though i have it in the bag, so is sadness chasing me or am i chasing it, is happiness eternal or only for the moment, glimpses, short bursts, instances..

It can all be so simple

it can all be so simple, but how do we live in this jungle, we are men amongst animals, educated amongst uneducated, living this life that is sacred, a blessing to be in the walls of thee, a statue of our finest features, shinning and glistening in the midst of the mindless, emotionless, egocentric people who mistake freedom for carelessness, and so they posses, nothing but themselves, thinking that anger lust and vanity can help them grind through reality, and sometimes we forget how to act like humans because all we see are thieves, low self-esteem animals in man's clothing, so we must learn, learn to burn the notion that we must never drink the poison that they drink, eat the food they eat, it would foolish and dumb to succumb to their ignorant ways, im telling you, don't be slaves..

Limbo

im still confused about alot of things, let me place it down in ink, inkblots, doctor says im insane, i think not, or maybe my brain is just surfing different waves, caves, server's minimum wage, graduating seems different a little significance could help me struggle less, for instance, in still on the fence, everyday i rhyme with a beat in my head, still beating heads cos i don't have time for women, i've through with blunt heads, pot heads, bring it all back to where i used to smoke backwoods in the woods, in my room up to no good, man im lost, the price of struggling now than later is only for the moment, or is it forever, it was a lie, the truth is not what it is, never what it seems like, cos nice guys get slapped for being nice, so im an asshole with a hole in my chest where my heart used to be, flakey women are just no use to me, but i still continue to see them as a priority, seeing life through the eyes of the gullible majority, where, do, we, go, still lost in limbo, just leave a memo, chris aint here, he is busy with the black temptress whispering in his ear 'gimme some more', cos it is really easy to see the good in other people but when it comes to ourselves, we crumble, fall short, a fumble, so we continue to stumble down the flight of stairs, lost in the concrete jungle, blind, scared to look at our fears, unwind the ball of uncertainty, nothing is real to me, but all i see is my destiny, even the stars blow a wish for me...

real from fake

its hard to find real things now a days, everything you see glitters with diamonds, shiny shimmers of gold and glee, while everything you see, or so you see, or what you claim reality is is nothing near to what it really is, friends, life, school, immature bullshit that you go through, but im just down, playing and wallowing drowning in the mud, and this is just one of my low moods, hormones, maybe, or maybe relationship with my lady has been a little bit rocky, unstable, still unable to have a firm grip on what relationships, every time i run, i slip, why can't i skip to the fun and just forfeit that bad, thats always the plan but it never happens, and im still confused on what happens when people become shady or flakey, it is them or me, is it me, or am i just being played by my self esteem, am i just on the wrong team, is my game weak, how come other guys seem, see its only seem, not the facts, you've never seen them operate, playing on bullshit like it was a game, and they must be MVP, but i ain't playing that game, mine is real, but im still confused, life is just a movie, and relationships is just a scene, and i've barely watched the credits, so what do i know, what do i know, have i grown, have i developed enough life skills to stand tall on my own, to have a relationship, to have friendship, cos it takes skill to be real, and its so hard to recognize the fake from the real, the genuine from the spineless, boneless, fake heartless no good lazy motherfuckers that surround us, or maybe im just being hard on them and on myself, calm down, you've set the bar to high to be climbed, but is it my fault that i only accept happiness within my halls, within my chamber, within my life,

Wow rhyme

Imagination is bottomless, limitless, like the mind when it speaks, like the heart when it dreams, beats, like the lungs exhaling, like heartfelt poetry when it cries, the author dies, only to be reborn in your mind, the silence, to many, is excruciating, so they die, walk out the door, continue to ignore, speaking to mutes, deafs and dumbs, with eyes but no life, with hands but no choice, with a tongue but no voice, with a soul but cuffed in a dark hole, a plant that thrives on ignorance instead of sun, of smoke instead of air, of negligence, so they think health is an offense, so they continue to follow the trends, what society tells, the truth has been broken and bent, the system has been dried up and spent, like a well in the sahara, once flourished but now abandoned by the water of niagara, passion sucking scavengers, negative harbingers, monopoly playing inner soul defecating, nay saying, tax stealing, life draining strangers, who pretend to be saviors, never put deadline on your dreams, cos life is what not what it is presumed to be, so why press stress, worries will only spawn regrets..

Struggle is nourishment

the morning sun never felt so good, only in the eyes of who speak the truth can only see this view, sunrays orange like sunkist but the wind is a breeze of cool mist, walking on the concrete everglades, riding the bus that takes 30 minutes of my life away taking me to the institution that is molding my life today only to be in a class where students dont do what they say and never taking advantage of their life today, to the bus driver that drives his life away, to the drunk that drinks his life away, look in the eyes of the people who pass you by and you can tell if love is in their lives or if they love their lives the answer is in between their eyes, beneath their eyelids lies a lid sealed and confined, a coffin of the mind, a coffin of lies and past histories of stories you wouldn't want to see or hear, remember the eyes of a refined man or woman is clear, steady, unshackled, strapped like a belt buckle, ready to buckle down and receive punishment cos struggle is nourishment, and you will only know you are whole once you have been halved, and you will know when you've strayed when you follow the other path, jacking off but instead of your dick it's the devils hand, so please use my words for what they are the wordplay is for your ease the message is what i want you to see, we never know what is planned but when we look back, and this is a test, will you say everything till now was part of the plan, retrace your steps till today and ask yourself i you got the guts to say that this was suppose to be this way, i was suppose to be with you, i was suppose to live like this....

I did my best

im climbing a mountain that others have fallen, laid there, lost all hope and forgotten how to grow, like plant with missing the essential, never growing, never living up to its potential, see we may be on the same boat, have the same equipment, but im equipped with the capacity of positivity, you see a thunderstorm ahead and think,clap your hands together and beg, beg for life from the high and almighty, while you pray, im lacing my boots, preparing for the day, the eye of the storm is near and im ready to poke that bitch, and i ain't no bitch, never get on my knees and beg, im on my two feet, standing firm with both my legs, with a grin on my face, fists clinched, im ready for that storm, bring it on bitch, when you face adversity, life is real, step out of classrooms in university, will you fall, we may be on the same step of the mountain but im looking up and your facing down man, our perspectives are different, your mind an infant, while im maturing, steady growing, enduring the cold winter, building enough calluses so i can walk through the floor of a thousands pins laid, tough skins are malleable and made, preparing for the day that my kins are created, living a life without regret, knowing if i look at t

lyrical muscle 3

Meagan wrote this
I'm afraid to close my eyes, and get trapped on the other side,behind the eyelids of night,where dreams and and nightmares resdie,and escape where reality subsides,but what if I never awake to daylight, and how do I know if this moment is a dream or real life,if I touch you will you be mine,or will I wake up in the darkness of fright,am I alive? Or is all this movement and emotion behind closed eyes, behind a confined mind,is it all a lie,we touch,we feel and experience time,but is it an illusion and its prime,am I really writing this rhyme,or it from a world on the other side..
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it is a world from the other side, tap into the spiritual locomotive that we call the mind, electrical signals send images and pictures that transcend the physical, digging deep into the cranium of the elastic scenario played out in the black whole of time, im writing this where the stars exist, use the light to shine the dark where words are lit up by the spark, im writing this where the clouds exist, whirlwinds and twisters drag me down to land, and when i wake up and touch you, you crumble into sand, neither space nor time can tell where we are, are we writing this rhyme or is it the same soul that helped jesus turn water into wine, close your eyes and the darkness breaths light, don't be afraid to close your eyes, look inside, and you will see you handcuffs on your mind, touch your spine and you feel the grip of the snake that has helped captivate, stimulate and at the same time incarcerate your creativity that you've relied on so diligently, so ask yourself, who wrote this, you or me?